can i go back to bed now?

We interrupt this horse blog…

Confession time: I have not seen my horse in two weeks.

Have not even petted him on the nose.

Week 1: roads washed out, my commute to the barn tripled, and life got stupid complicated on all fronts leading up to a 24 hour trip to Boston for my bridal shower.

Week 2: the Great Rewiring, during which I spent every evening vacuuming, replacing outlet covers, re-organizing tools, moving furniture, shaking out sheet covers, and planning the next day’s work, and was basically too exhausted to move. At the end of that week was my bachelorette party. I got home at 3pm from that, whoo! Then I sat down on the new couch and blacked out and woke up drooling on my fancy new throw pillows 4 hours later. Whoops.

But today! Today! I have hopes for today. Don’t let me down, today. I have a new route to the barn, an open evening, a rewired house, and boots & breeches in my car.

I am caught up on my horse blog reading, the puppy is in daycare and does not need to be let out immediately after work, and I am generally starting to feel human again.


can i go back to bed now? · house post · stupid human tricks


I’ve been in a sort of funny place with my riding. I want to and I don’t want to. I crave the feeling I get while riding, but I’m currently exhausted and overbooked, and the idea of getting everything together to go to the barn just to be hot and sweaty and miserable is not appealing, when there’s SO much to do at home. So Tris is just sort of hanging out not getting a ton of exercise right now.

It’s not like Tris has been neglected; far from. I’ve gone a few times to pet him on the nose, gather supplies, etc. Other things on the horse front are moving along: I’m washing his winter blankets, and have started showing the trailer. If all goes well, I’ll sell it by the end of the week.

Arya’s separation anxiety issues have been spiking, too, so it’s doubly hard to leave her alone on my days off with her, when she cries and shivers and glues herself to my leg as soon as I start making motions to leave. We may be on the right track to helping her out, but that doesn’t make it any easier to see her so miserable.

The house is moving right along. We’re in a sort of weird decision crunch right now; the electrician comes on Monday to start rewiring, so I’m picking out ceiling fans, bathroom fans, and trying to line up other things to get done next week so that we’re in the right place for rewiring.

We’re finally painting in the master bedroom, too, and I am happy with the test color. One more wall to prep & sand, then prime, and some detail work for the priming to do, and then we will finish with a first coat around the room.

In short: not terribly exciting. I have things I want to blog about and ask, but 99% of my at-home internet time lately has been taken up by endless trawling through home improvement blogs to think about what rating ceiling fan I really need, what the Vermont code is for fire walls, and the relative R-values of insulation. Whew.

can i go back to bed now?

Why do we do this again?

Dear universe,

Fuck you very much.

Sometimes I think that time is marked by the loss of wonderful horses. I feel like I went years blissfully oblivious and in the last two years the number of horses I have known and loved that are now gone has numbered in the double digits. So many of them gone for shitty, stupid, flukey reasons.

Godspeed, Skylar.

(Tris is fine. I feel like I should probably start posts like this the way the barn manager starts all phone calls, but – yeah.)

can i go back to bed now? · wedgewood


So my whole life is in two places right now, with moving. Last night, I stopped by the apartment to pack a few more boxes and get mail.

One of my letters was from Wedgewood Pharmacy: Tristan’s pergolide was being recalled. One of the ingredients it was compounded with had been exposed to penicillin, and the entire lot needed to be sent back.

Great. I made a mental note to follow up, and then because my life right now, forgot it. Then I got a call from the barn manager this morning following up: all the other horses in the barn had gotten the recall notice too. She didn’t feel comfortable feeding the pergolide they had until we got more.

Well, shit. Withdrawing from pergolide is not a good thing. It’s meant to be a longterm, daily, maintenance medication. Horses can go downhill very quickly, from metabolic crashes to foundering. Is there a chance he’d be just fine? Yes. Was I willing to take that chance? HELL NO.

Next call, back to the pharmacy, to try to make absolutely sure that Tristan’s pergolide was on the recall list, because I’d left the letter at home. They didn’t have that information. The rep could not tell me whether or not the prescription they had on record for me was part of the recall. What the fuck?

Fine, I said, I’ll just order a new bottle now. I explained that it was a crucial daily medication, and that I was more than a little bit frustrated that they had not provided any avenue for replacing the drugs. They were nice but didn’t actually provide any help.

Finally I got them to agree that they would waive shipping charges, but wait: there was no refill on my account.

So I called my vet, who said yeah, I just got the letter and I read through it and followed up. The recall was because one of the ingredients that Wedgewood used to compound the drug had been exposed to penicillin during the manufacturing process. Not the end of the world, probably, but still recalled, still had to go back.

Vet was less than pleased at how Wedgewood was handling things, too. She called in the script, and said that if they gave me any grief to let her know and we would switch to a Vermont-based compounding pharmacy that she’s starting to work with. In the meantime, she felt confident that because the horses had all been getting doses of this all along, they could get one more dose today.

I texted all that to the barn manager, then called Wedgewood back, who placed the order for the new bottle of pergolide. I told them it needed to be here overnight, for dosing tomorrow morning.

The rep did a whole song and dance about how they were only planning on waiving the standard shipping fee, not the overnight, and I would have to pay an additional $23 to ship it overnight.

I explained to him in no uncertain terms, using small, precise words, that this was a crucial daily medication, that it was their screw-up, and that I was beyond frustrated that they had pulled the medication with no backup plan. I told them I would not compromise my horse’s health for their mistakes. I was polite but very firm.

Finally, he agreed to waive the overnight fee, and submitted the prescription right away.

That does not fix the fact that I have to be in three places at once tomorrow when the prescription arrives at my front door, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it and figure out a way to get it to the barn in time for evening feeding.

In short: really, really shitty customer service. You would think that a pharmacy, of all places, would understand the concept of important daily medication and would have plans in place to deal with the fallout when they recalled said medication but NOPE. You would be wrong.

can i go back to bed now?

No news is not necessarily good news

I’m sure you’ve noticed my lack of up-to-the-minute updates with Tristan.

He finished his course of antibiotics + poulticing on Friday. He is sound at the walk to and from turnout, and happy just hanging out.

I rewrapped Friday night with just plain gauze. I checked it through the weekend but it was holding up just fine, so I left it in place.

I rewrapped on Monday just to air the foot out and take a look. The abscess is still draining, and the drainage hole actually opened up a little wider. There was still heat in the hoof.

I’m really discouraged right now. I don’t know what else to do or say. I’m just tired. I’m communicating with the vet about what our next steps are, but I’m barely mustering the energy and willpower to fight this on a basic level. I’m packing, under enormous amounts of pressure at work, hyperventilating at the thought of a mortgage, handling a puppy who is having a resurgence of separation anxiety, trying to support my fiance as his job gets increasingly stressful.

This week I have three (THREE) separate potlucks to make food for, an apartment showing for the landlord tonight (24 hours after giving our notice), a 16+ hour day scheduled for Wednesday, car work on both vehicles, and a myriad of little things to follow up on that keep slipping through the cracks.

Oh, and it fucking snowed again this weekend.

So I am re-poulticing and re-wrapping and talking to the vet and trying to take my cues from Tristan. He is happy and fine. We are on top of it as best we can be. After we move I will be 8 minutes away and traveling out to rewrap him at 10:30 at night will be marginally better.

I’d just like to be a person who rides horses again, instead of a person who thinks about, writes about, and cares for horses.

can i go back to bed now?

Stayin’ Alive

I guess. Mostly.

Crazy work travel this week. I do love my job but I am so very tired and my brain is so very full.

Scrambling to get the last information necessary for the house closing which is oh, two weeks from today. Holy shit.

Tristan is sound again at the walk and has been going on turnout with a boot since Monday. I last checked on him on Tuesday; I’ll see what he looks like tonight. Today is scheduled to be his last day on poultice + antibiotics. Then he just gets his foot wrapped for another 3 weeks.

I have to decide whether to ride him during that time. It’s not a straightforward decision.

Riding means I will have to be neurotically careful about that foot. I have to keep it slow and simple to make sure the wrapping stays on, or doesn’t wear through. I may be cleaning it out and re-wrapping it after every ride.

Not riding means we get set further back in our fitness goals, but his foot will stay cleaner. I may have the offer of another horse (or several horses) to ride in the meantime. I’m also incredibly, painfully busy in these next 3 weeks.

Just have to think more.

Oh, and it snowed overnight again. Enough to stick to the grass in the mountains, aka at the barn.

And it’s 34 degrees and windy right now.


can i go back to bed now?

Except I don’t even know what this is karma for…

Thing the first:

Got a call from the barn manager yesterday while I was on a work conference call. Tristan went out for turnout, rolled, and stood up lame on his RF. Mild swelling in the fetlock, a teensy bit up into the tendon sheath, no heat except the barn manager thought she might have felt a bit of heat at the coronet band. They iced and buted. I worked until 11pm.

I’m back at work this morning and waiting for an update. I’ll cold hose tonight.

Fingers crossed he just tweaked something.

Thing the second:

Please respect my pain and do not post any pictures of yourself doing the following: wearing t-shirts, riding your horses outside, bareheaded, wearing cute sandals, or with any green in the background.
fuck everything.

can i go back to bed now?

Radio Silence

I wish I could blog about all the awesome horse stuff I’m doing, but honestly, this week I’m working literally every moment that I am not asleep in my bed.

I assume my horse is still alive, as I got a vet bill for his second round of spring shots. Also, no one has called me to tell me otherwise.

In the meantime, I would like a caffeine IV and the promise of something, anything, going right.

Since neither of those things are possible, I would maybe also like a day off. I have high hopes for Sunday. Don’t let me down, Sunday.


can i go back to bed now?

Making the Best of It

January has not been the best for riding and horse-related activities.

Tristan is happy and healthy. That is the priority.

But I’m averaging one ride a week, sometimes two. The weather has been horrible. When it gets warmer, I ride, and I’m having great rides. We had a terrific schooling session on Sunday: he felt strong and good and there was a nice, clear progression from start to finish. He had some really good work in the canter, and I felt good about my effectiveness.

Then Monday, which was warm enough to ride, but first I ran out of time, between work programs, then it started snowing heavily and my fancypants new 4WD car had gotten the fiance to work that morning, so all I had to take me to the barn in a series of nasty snow squalls was his Prius.

I gave up. I admit it. This winter is not doing good things for my mental health. I am tired, worn out, and cranky much of the time.

Today: single digits. Tomorrow: single digits. Maybe, maybe, Thursday will pan out. We’ll see.

I’m just…tired. Sorry to put an almost entirely negative post out there in the world, but I’m just sick and tired of a lot of things and having a lot of trouble digging deep and finding motivation.