can i go back to bed now?

Except I don’t even know what this is karma for…

Thing the first:

Got a call from the barn manager yesterday while I was on a work conference call. Tristan went out for turnout, rolled, and stood up lame on his RF. Mild swelling in the fetlock, a teensy bit up into the tendon sheath, no heat except the barn manager thought she might have felt a bit of heat at the coronet band. They iced and buted. I worked until 11pm.

I’m back at work this morning and waiting for an update. I’ll cold hose tonight.

Fingers crossed he just tweaked something.

Thing the second:

APRIL NINTH.
APRIL FUCKING NINTH.
FOUR FUCKING INCHES.
Please respect my pain and do not post any pictures of yourself doing the following: wearing t-shirts, riding your horses outside, bareheaded, wearing cute sandals, or with any green in the background.
seriously.
fuck everything.

can i go back to bed now?

Radio Silence

I wish I could blog about all the awesome horse stuff I’m doing, but honestly, this week I’m working literally every moment that I am not asleep in my bed.

I assume my horse is still alive, as I got a vet bill for his second round of spring shots. Also, no one has called me to tell me otherwise.

In the meantime, I would like a caffeine IV and the promise of something, anything, going right.

Since neither of those things are possible, I would maybe also like a day off. I have high hopes for Sunday. Don’t let me down, Sunday.

*flop*

can i go back to bed now?

Making the Best of It

January has not been the best for riding and horse-related activities.

Tristan is happy and healthy. That is the priority.

But I’m averaging one ride a week, sometimes two. The weather has been horrible. When it gets warmer, I ride, and I’m having great rides. We had a terrific schooling session on Sunday: he felt strong and good and there was a nice, clear progression from start to finish. He had some really good work in the canter, and I felt good about my effectiveness.

Then Monday, which was warm enough to ride, but first I ran out of time, between work programs, then it started snowing heavily and my fancypants new 4WD car had gotten the fiance to work that morning, so all I had to take me to the barn in a series of nasty snow squalls was his Prius.

I gave up. I admit it. This winter is not doing good things for my mental health. I am tired, worn out, and cranky much of the time.

Today: single digits. Tomorrow: single digits. Maybe, maybe, Thursday will pan out. We’ll see.

I’m just…tired. Sorry to put an almost entirely negative post out there in the world, but I’m just sick and tired of a lot of things and having a lot of trouble digging deep and finding motivation.

can i go back to bed now?

Ugh

Let me just say that my day can be summed up by this incident: while rushing to get to my second location for my tenth hour of work on this, my day off, and an official holiday, I opened my car door into my face. Multiple bloody napkins later I have a nice cut along my cheek that will probably scar and an impressive and growing swelling. Also, I get to tell people that I actually walked into a door.

Eff everything, really.
can i go back to bed now? · stupid human tricks · winter

Slumping

On the one hand, things are going well: Tris is healthy, happy, fat, and well-cared for as we head into the winter.

On the other: I’ve hit a bit of a slump. December has been a disaster for riding so far, as was the last half of November. I string together two or three days of riding and then I have to go out of town. Or, like today: I took the day off to get to a series of appointments. Two of the three were canceled due to our impending snowstorm.

Great! I thought. I’ll re-route my afternoon and after the first of the appointments, stop by for a few quick errands that need to get done, and then head to the barn. Except, fiance to my car to work today because of said snowstorm; it is 4WD, and bigger and more solid, and I feel better having him drive it when he’s got a long commute on Vermont’s poorly plowed roads.

The storm hit with a vengeance by 1pm – it really seemed to go from overcast to whiteout very quickly. I worked my way through my short errands on the city and main streets, and within an hour even those streets were ugly and slippery in fiance’s smaller, lighter Prius, even with the snow tires on.

So I headed home, and I’ve been puttering away on the kind of necessary household tasks that have been piling up these last few weeks.

I can’t help but feel that if I’d really wanted to get to the barn, I would’ve. Some of that drive and fire that pushed me a few years ago is gone. I’m not sure if I’m overall tired and stressed from work and life, if the work Tristan is doing right now is not lighting a spark, or if I’m just in a temporary lull.

I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts recently by people suffering the same thing. I think in horses we work so hard – and read so often about others working so hard – that it’s a tough thing to admit, and to cope with. When do you need to slow down, when do you need to take a break entirely, and when do you need to get the hell over yourself and push through no matter what? I don’t have answers for myself, unfortunately.

can i go back to bed now?

Life is just not fair

I spent last week in Boston at a very, very intensive professional conference. Life was go-go-go from 5am to 11pm every day. During every break in the conference I was trying desperately to stay on top of email from my day job.

Tristan went out a few times on hacks with the working student, but I have not ridden him myself in 10 days.

Today, Sunday, I was back home and had nothing in my schedule. It’s even back up into the 40s for what will likely be the last time in 5 months.

I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I’ve been awake for 7 hours now and still feel exhausted, achey, and listless. I’m reading things on the internet and poking at some work but I just can’t make myself go further than the living room.

Sigh.

Maybe tomorrow?

can i go back to bed now? · stupid human tricks

Finding the Time

I have all the drive right now, and none of the time.

Last week, I was traveling for work from Thursday through Saturday. I rode Sunday and Monday.

I had plans to ride last night, Tuesday, but a cousin called and said he was in town and we should meet for dinner. I love this cousin dearly, and he lives two states away, so any chance to see him was one I was going to take – but that doesn’t make me any less cranky that I lost a barn night.

I compensated by sneaking in to the laundromat near closing and washing the last of Tristan’s sheets, then waterproofing it on our side porch in the pitch black.

Tonight, I have hopes that I can sneak out between the end of work and my evening plans. Tomorrow, the same. At the most, I’ll have an hour, total, to spend at the barn, which really means ~35 minutes to ride.

Does anyone else struggle with finding the time? I guess I just don’t have the motivation to get up at 5am and go ride before work, and if I have evening plans – work, or otherwise – I can’t find the motivation to leave my house at 8pm to get to the barn. I work hard during the day and am exhausted by 9pm. Now that it’s dark at 5pm, that problem is exacerbated.