On the one hand, things are going well: Tris is healthy, happy, fat, and well-cared for as we head into the winter.
On the other: I’ve hit a bit of a slump. December has been a disaster for riding so far, as was the last half of November. I string together two or three days of riding and then I have to go out of town. Or, like today: I took the day off to get to a series of appointments. Two of the three were canceled due to our impending snowstorm.
Great! I thought. I’ll re-route my afternoon and after the first of the appointments, stop by for a few quick errands that need to get done, and then head to the barn. Except, fiance to my car to work today because of said snowstorm; it is 4WD, and bigger and more solid, and I feel better having him drive it when he’s got a long commute on Vermont’s poorly plowed roads.
The storm hit with a vengeance by 1pm – it really seemed to go from overcast to whiteout very quickly. I worked my way through my short errands on the city and main streets, and within an hour even those streets were ugly and slippery in fiance’s smaller, lighter Prius, even with the snow tires on.
So I headed home, and I’ve been puttering away on the kind of necessary household tasks that have been piling up these last few weeks.
I can’t help but feel that if I’d really wanted to get to the barn, I would’ve. Some of that drive and fire that pushed me a few years ago is gone. I’m not sure if I’m overall tired and stressed from work and life, if the work Tristan is doing right now is not lighting a spark, or if I’m just in a temporary lull.
I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts recently by people suffering the same thing. I think in horses we work so hard – and read so often about others working so hard – that it’s a tough thing to admit, and to cope with. When do you need to slow down, when do you need to take a break entirely, and when do you need to get the hell over yourself and push through no matter what? I don’t have answers for myself, unfortunately.