Let me just say that my day can be summed up by this incident: while rushing to get to my second location for my tenth hour of work on this, my day off, and an official holiday, I opened my car door into my face. Multiple bloody napkins later I have a nice cut along my cheek that will probably scar and an impressive and growing swelling. Also, I get to tell people that I actually walked into a door.
On the one hand, things are going well: Tris is healthy, happy, fat, and well-cared for as we head into the winter.
On the other: I’ve hit a bit of a slump. December has been a disaster for riding so far, as was the last half of November. I string together two or three days of riding and then I have to go out of town. Or, like today: I took the day off to get to a series of appointments. Two of the three were canceled due to our impending snowstorm.
Great! I thought. I’ll re-route my afternoon and after the first of the appointments, stop by for a few quick errands that need to get done, and then head to the barn. Except, fiance to my car to work today because of said snowstorm; it is 4WD, and bigger and more solid, and I feel better having him drive it when he’s got a long commute on Vermont’s poorly plowed roads.
The storm hit with a vengeance by 1pm – it really seemed to go from overcast to whiteout very quickly. I worked my way through my short errands on the city and main streets, and within an hour even those streets were ugly and slippery in fiance’s smaller, lighter Prius, even with the snow tires on.
So I headed home, and I’ve been puttering away on the kind of necessary household tasks that have been piling up these last few weeks.
I can’t help but feel that if I’d really wanted to get to the barn, I would’ve. Some of that drive and fire that pushed me a few years ago is gone. I’m not sure if I’m overall tired and stressed from work and life, if the work Tristan is doing right now is not lighting a spark, or if I’m just in a temporary lull.
I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts recently by people suffering the same thing. I think in horses we work so hard – and read so often about others working so hard – that it’s a tough thing to admit, and to cope with. When do you need to slow down, when do you need to take a break entirely, and when do you need to get the hell over yourself and push through no matter what? I don’t have answers for myself, unfortunately.
I spent last week in Boston at a very, very intensive professional conference. Life was go-go-go from 5am to 11pm every day. During every break in the conference I was trying desperately to stay on top of email from my day job.
Tristan went out a few times on hacks with the working student, but I have not ridden him myself in 10 days.
Today, Sunday, I was back home and had nothing in my schedule. It’s even back up into the 40s for what will likely be the last time in 5 months.
I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I’ve been awake for 7 hours now and still feel exhausted, achey, and listless. I’m reading things on the internet and poking at some work but I just can’t make myself go further than the living room.
I have all the drive right now, and none of the time.
Last week, I was traveling for work from Thursday through Saturday. I rode Sunday and Monday.
I had plans to ride last night, Tuesday, but a cousin called and said he was in town and we should meet for dinner. I love this cousin dearly, and he lives two states away, so any chance to see him was one I was going to take – but that doesn’t make me any less cranky that I lost a barn night.
I compensated by sneaking in to the laundromat near closing and washing the last of Tristan’s sheets, then waterproofing it on our side porch in the pitch black.
Tonight, I have hopes that I can sneak out between the end of work and my evening plans. Tomorrow, the same. At the most, I’ll have an hour, total, to spend at the barn, which really means ~35 minutes to ride.
Does anyone else struggle with finding the time? I guess I just don’t have the motivation to get up at 5am and go ride before work, and if I have evening plans – work, or otherwise – I can’t find the motivation to leave my house at 8pm to get to the barn. I work hard during the day and am exhausted by 9pm. Now that it’s dark at 5pm, that problem is exacerbated.
Target area: my county and the three surrounding counties.
That sound you hear is the sobbing of quiet despair.
Remember how I wrote that I was in a rhythm, that I was getting out regularly and working hard?