So I can ride today and tomorrow, hopefully, and then never again. Grrrrr.

Lauren at She Moved to Texas raised an interesting and important question: do you discuss your horse finances with your significant other? Read the comments – they’re thoughtful and comprehensive!

I thought I’d take a minute to outline the way I handle my horse finances.

When I first adopted Tristan, I was working in a year-long paid internship at my undergraduate college. My take-home pay was about $18,000 that year. I adopted Tristan for $150 on January 2.

That first year was really, really hard. I had been sharing a house with other college friends, but they all moved away at the end of December, leaving me with one roommate who was an acquaintance but not a close friend. It was a big, mostly uninsulated house on the side of a mountain in Vermont in a town with a population of 765. Yes, really.

I snuck into the college dining halls for breakfast and lunch every day. I ordered one, sometimes two, items from the McDonald’s dollar menu on the way home from the barn every night. My roommate basically did not live in the house for the months of January and February, and the house was heated by wood stove and a furnace that took heating oil. I couldn’t afford heating oil, and didn’t entirely understand how to order it anyway. Every night I got home from the barn at 9pm after fighting with the snowy mountain roads, put wood in the stove, poured lighter fluid onto it, flicked a match into it, put on three layers of clothing, my winter coat, my winter hat, gloves, scarf, piled on blankets, and slept on the couch in front of the wood stove. Going up to my bedroom was not an option; the frost was half an inch thick on the inside of the windows.

Every weekend, all day, I worked at the barn to help pay for board and lessons. I picked up shifts during the week when I could. I borrowed a saddle until I could buy a friend’s for $300. I bought a $20 bridle at auction. I owned one pair of breeches and the $75 clearance tall boots I had bought four years earlier.

That summer, I moved out of the house, down into the valley, closer to the barn. I lived in a studio apartment that was so small I actually kicked open my refrigerator door in the middle of the night. Really. I swear. It was stiflingly hot in the summer, and the only thing I owned to put my TV on was an upside down tupperware bin; one day it softened and practically melted underneath the TV and the whole thing sort of sagged sideways in slow motion. (Thankfully the TV was ok! It was probably the most expensive thing I owned at the time.) My budget for groceries was $20 a week, and I still worked at the barn constantly.

I still saved money. I was never in debt. I never went hungry. I was content and happy. So I don’t tell these stories to make anyone feel sorry for me! I had graduated from an excellent college with no debt, I had great life skills, and I was willing to work hard.

Things slowly got better, and the lessons I learned in that first year have stuck to me. Our grocery budget is still $40-$50 a week for two people. I scrimp and save and budget and Tristan has never, ever wanted for anything. I make a decent living now, but I work in nonprofits: I’ll never match my two younger brothers, who are a computer engineer and management consultant respectively.

Owning a horse is so insanely difficult. It is one of the stupidest things I could do with my money. But to me, it is worth every penny.

Here are a few lessons that still stick with me.

Have a separate bank account for horse finances. I’ve maintained this for almost ten years now, and it works beautifully. I estimate a monthly cost for board and farrier bills, and then I add in a small padding percentage. I have that amount automatically deposited each month, and that’s where I draw money from. If I buy something for Tristan with my credit card, I pay from that account. I write checks from that account. If there’s overage – from an extra pay day or the like – it goes into a horse-specific savings account. It’s not a perfect system – things come up. But it is the best system I’ve ever found, because it helps cordon me off from temptation, and it helps me stick to a budget.

You probably don’t need that. The newest best whatever it is. That fast food dinner or lunch. Cable. The fanciest new car on the lot. Whatever “that” is, you probably don’t need it. You need good nutritious food, a safe, clean place to live, and ways to engage your mind and body. Your horse needs the same. Is it fun to buy extras? Sure. I’ve done it. Do you need it? As in, you can’t live without it? As in, you’re okay with it costing 2-3x as much because you had to have it and so you put it on your credit card? The number of things in that category is extremely small. Possibly nonexistent.

Be honest with yourself and your partner. Don’t say that your future self will take care of that bill. Don’t pretend you need that thing. Don’t lie to your partner about money. This stuff will ruin you if you let it. Keep a constant, watching eye on what you do, on yourself, on your reasons for choosing the things you do, and on the ways in which the money is going in and out. It’s so easy to slip and justify. Don’t stick your head in the sand. Face up to it. Applying your willpower to this area of your life will unlock all the doors for you. It’s that important.

Get by with a little help from your friends. I’m very conscious of inherited privilege on all levels. I’ve been lucky in many ways. I have a wonderful, supportive family who have backed me up and taught me good lessons. I have knowledgeable, wonderful, supportive friends who have helped me out when I needed it – ridden along in the truck for moral support, offered a barter system for goods and services, bent the rules to make things just a little easier, and shared their incredible experience with me so I can make better decisions. Don’t underestimate the value – social, economic, on every possible level – of a good support network.

I don’t mean to preach, but this is something I feel very strongly about, in all areas of my life. Nobody’s perfect – so says my smidge of credit card debt leftover from a very bad fall, and my slooooooowly rebounding emergency fund from Tristan’s vet bills – but when you internalize good principles, you put yourself in a MUCH better position to rebuild. Ultimately, that makes life safer and happier for both you and your horse.

sigh.

…for a brief heads up of a great deal.

I am a huge, huge, HUGE fan of the Ask a Manager blog. I’ve been reading it consistently for several years now and really feel it’s helped me improve beyond belief.

I purchased the e-book, How to Get a Job: Secrets of a Hiring Manager, when I started job-hunting about three years ago. I firmly believe it was an incredibly helpful tool.

Alison’s offering a huge discount on that book for the next few days. Check it out, and make sure to add Ask a Manager to your blog reading list!

I’m a little behind on this but I returned from my Christmas travel to find my Secret Santa package!

From Karley & Henry at All In, I am REALLY excited for my gift!

Endless, endless circles of the indoor. Sigh.

I was reminded by Lauren’s post about her horsey Christmas ornaments to repost something I shared last year – a few photos of my favorite horse Christmas ornaments.

***

Our Christmas tree has four main themes: geeky (Back to the Future, Star Trek, Doctor Who), Swedish (tre kronor, “God Jul,” flags, Dala horses), Boston sports (Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins, and the infamous Rene Rancournament) and…equestrian.

Here are some of my favorite equestrian ornaments, from a collection built over the last few years.

I was reading this excellent article about the history of sex ed in the United States, and came across this vaguely horrifying metaphor for male sexual energy.

“The Science of Life” even had separate segments meant for boys and girls. Part of the boy’s section voice-over states, “The sex impulse contributes to those masculine qualities which make men ambitious to strive and achieve. Controlled, the sex impulse, like the horse, may be a source of power and service. The sex impulse is like a fiery horse. Uncontrolled, it may be destructive and dangerous.” “The Gift of Life” warns, “Masturbation may seriously hinder a boy’s progress towards vigorous manhood. It is a selfish, childish, stupid habit.”

eep.

I’m reposting this from The Reeling: An Unexpected Mareventure. I think it’s really important. Please help if you can.

Longer term bloggers will remember Bre and Greta, who hasn’t blogged in a long time – she’s been busy with college and Greta is mostly retired now. While Bre lives in queer-friendly Austin, this is still Texas, and things with her family have gone very sour due to her sexuality. She now finds herself estranged and with hardly any money to her name. Most of us have been through the broke-college/post-college-kid phase so we know what it is like, and others who went through growing up queer will understand exactly how crappy and hard it can be. Bre needs our help while she gets through this period in her life – she’s a fighter and she’ll be fine, but right now she needs help to make sure she keeps her heart horse. It is not her fault that she ended up in this situation and she and Greta should not have to suffer and pay for someone else’s harsh and misguided judgements.

Click to help Bre!