The only way out is through

I think I am finally starting to crumble. As introverted as I am, it was bound to happen later for me than for others, but my brain is finally starting to sour on this whole thing. Isolation is one thing, the constant every-tiny-mistake-is-doom state of a pandemic world is taking a boulder-sized mallet to my anxiety.

Yesterday, the news of Jane Savoie’s passing hit me pretty hard. I did not know her, only in passing, at a few parties, in and out of our barn. I never rode with her. But many years ago, I saw a PBS Nature episode called “Horse and Rider” and she was featured in it. I was enthralled. Not long after that I read a marvelous book called Conversations with a Prince, in which she plays a small role. Eight years ago both of those things came full circle when I came to my current barn. So even my infitesimally small connection to her has played a big role in my life.

I had a long and not great day yesterday. Some of the reasons were my fault. Some of them were out of my control. All of them piled up. I made myself ride anyway, just a half hour or so, my first time in the saddle in the new year. Usually I do a New Year’s Day ride, on the theory that starting the year that way is a good omen, but this year I was in travel-related quarantine.

He was wonderful. My brain was quiet the entire time I was at the barn; it is the only time my brain is ever quiet. I need to remember that.

5 thoughts on “The only way out is through

  1. I just listened to Jane Savoie on an episode of The Equestrian Podcast last week and really enjoyed it. I was actually thinking about purchasing one or two of her books to read. Sorry to hear about your tough day, but I’m glad it included the mental escape of a nice ride. Being around my horses is the only time I forget about the rest of it. I’ve honestly been struggling in the New Year myself, mostly with my feelings on some house related things that have come up recently that require money I would rather have put elsewhere (I know you get that!) but also with the inevitability of another tax season when I don’t feel recovered from last year. All we can do is just keep pushing along and enjoy the good things!


  2. I too was so saddened to hear about Jane’s death. I never met her, but I felt her book Dressage 101 really helped pivot and broaden my appreciation of riding and flatwork. Big hugs to you Amanda.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s