Chipping away

It turns out that even though I am more or less constantly blogging things in my head, I actually have to sit down and type them out for them to appear in the real world?! Blergh.

Honestly: I am pretty profoundly depressed about the state of the world right now.

I an typically an NPR junkie, because I appreciate thoughtful conversation and being informed.

I can’t listen right now. I can’t. It’s a constant reminder that we are so terrifyingly, horribly close to a society that places no value on human life if it doesn’t have a white penis.

I am particularly bone-deep terrified of losing my own bodily autonomy, ie the overturn of Roe v Wade that will happen if the balance on the Supreme Court shifts. I’ll go from being a human being with agency and a brain and a contribution to the world to nothing more than a walking uterus.

Despite living in Vermont, I typically fall middle-to-right on the political spectrum, but I can’t get over how far out of whack things are with basic principles of dignity and kindness.

Horses aren’t helping. At any rate, Tristan is…not great. Not bad either! But he’s stiff, and unwilling, and rides are 75% loosening up with a little bit of work.

On top of that, I’m having what I think must be a gout flare-up in my left hip. For two weeks, it hurt constantly, a deep burning agony in the joint. Then I realized it was probably gout, and started taking my drugs. Now it’s only painful when I am using it in certain ways…like trying to get Tristan off my left leg. Or this morning, when I got into my car and misjudged the distance slightly and caught my ankle on the door frame. OW.

On top of that, the show we were prepping for on August 7 was mysteriously canceled. Our next planned show is September 3, which is not far away, but is not the immediate “oh shit we’re going to embarrass ourselves” push that August 7 was.

Mostly, I’m reading a lot. Gardening. Watching various DC television properties (ok, I’m bingeing on Flash and Arrow). Playing Pokemon Go. Working on the house some. Planning travel. Normal stuff I guess but when momentum stops or I catch the news I descend into a panic attack again. Sigh.

Anyway: carry on! Just whingeing here. Probably it will all turn out fine, but it sure doesn’t feel like it right now.

6 thoughts on “Chipping away

  1. Absolutely terrified, especially since I am one of the people they want to kill or cure or get rid of in some way. And I shake with fear and rage at what that will do to my sixteen year old son.


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