So I was going gangbusters for a while there, and I just…am not right now. I’m not coping terribly well with my life. My usual coping skills are frayed and taut, or I am not giving enough attention to them. I have so many balls in the air I am honestly not sure how many there are, much less what color and shape they are – and when they’ll come down.
Case in point: I wrote a stack of cards, some of them with payment of bills. I addressed them. I put stamps on them. I carried them in my purse for 3 days to mail.
I have no idea what happened to them next. Literally no idea. I cannot place a memory of them, and I cannot find them. I assumed that I had mailed them in a fugue state until I checked my bank balances and the money was still there. Shit. Cue emails and apologies. I will double-pay the farrier on Friday. I will re-mail another payment. I will re-write the card to my friend who moved away.
Moments like that terrify me, because what else am I not thinking of? I run over and over and over the things I need to do and check on, and add to my lists, and review my lists from last week and yesterday, and hope that I’ve got it all, and that I haven’t screwed up any of the important things.
Which is a long way of saying I’m tired. I have family coming for Thanksgiving and a bathroom in pieces and I have to rip up part of the attic floor to try and get the upstairs bathroom functional and I have to shampoo my carpets because the dog decided for a few days to forget she was housebroken and I have to find a turkey and I have to plan everything and finish unpacking the library so there’s somewhere for my brother to sleep and and.
What does this have to do with horses? Well, I was late to work this morning because I woke up and it was 18 degrees and I ran around getting things ready for the handyman to work on the bathroom this morning and fretted about the cat and then I realized that Tristan’s medium blanket was still in the back of my car. So I dropped the dog off at daycare and then dropped Tristan’s blanket off at the barn and was late to work. It’s ok though I’ll be here until 9pm today!
Last night, I did get to the barn and free longed Tristan for a while, which was not his favorite thing, and soaked one of his feet because he’s been having some thrush problems. He was spunky and a little grumpy about not having had his grain yet, but overall it was good to fuss over him for a while.