I could have written this blog post a dozen times over the last twenty or so years of my riding life.
I am bad at letting go. It can be a great quality – it makes me a good historian – but it can also be a bad quality.
I’m sure you can guess the horse-related circumstances in which it’s a very bad quality.
In my lessons lately, I’ve been working very hard on releasing.
See, Tris is just as stubborn as I am. Maybe even more so. He wants what he wants. He meets resistance and doubles down.
Previous trainers had me bending or flexing him all the time. Every second. The whole ride. He was not to be ridden straight; that would exacerbate his already stuck tendencies.
Like many before me and many after me, I developed the bad habit of hanging on the inside rein. Especially the left. I could get some softness right, but never left.
A lot of people talk about horses as a partnership. A true sense of that has always evaded me with Tristan. I adore him, and I have no doubt that he trusts and relies on me, but more often our rides are an uneasy conversation. It’s not easy – emotionally or physically.
I need to let go. I need to offer him up things – the inside rein, a chance to carry the rhythm, my pursuit of the perfect trot at the end of a lesson. I need to trust him to take it from me and hold up his half of the bargain.
He hasn’t always. I know we are never supposed to blame horses for anything, but I don’t think I can overstate how strong Tristan’s personality is. I have only just now been his human for as long as he has lived unable to trust humans. He didn’t see any need to take his half.
But he’s getting there. I’m getting there. I’ve been giving away the inside rein in big, exaggerated loops. I’ve been physically lifting my legs off his sides entirely after asking for more. I’ve been choosing to end on that last good transition.
It’s hard. It does not come naturally. I still suck at it, and am still exponentially worse in every area of my life.
But this is why we keep coming back to horses, isn’t it? All the answers are in there, somewhere. It’s an exhausting, painful, financially ruinous, heartbreaking way to find the answers, but they are there.
beljoeor.com 
Me too.
Then Harry came to me waaaaaay behind the bit, sort of folded up on himself like origami, and I had to let go just to get him trotting with his whole body—he would tiptoe around with his neck and torso locked in position, like he was made of concrete. But it was very hard to do, it felt wrong. So me too.
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I feel this. I feel this so hard.
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ugh. i hang on to things too. solidarity, yo. letting go is hard!
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I hear ya! I’m definitely guilty of doing too much with my hands. Eros tells me so by pulling me out of the saddle. He’s a smart dude, and very good at communicating. Clearly.
I am pretty good about having the horse more on the outside rein, so at least there’s that.
Interestingly, I rode a horse a couple weekends ago whose mom does tend to use too much inside rein. When I tried to get him on the outside, he was pretty confused, and never fully got there in our ride. I wasn’t asked to train on him, just to flat him, so I didn’t get too much into it. But my point is, Tristan will have to figure out your letting go too, so it’s not all one sided. You’ll get there! Once you realize you’re doing it, it’s easier to correct.
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Yeah…I have that shirt 🙂 I’m learning though and that’s what matters on this journey
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Great post!
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ugh another one who can’t let go. And Remus fights back doubly hard when I hang onto him. It is a very odd thing this inability to releasethe reins 🙂 HA I can still hear Emily saying lighten, release, give (and i havent had a lesson in almost a year SOOOOO)…
Keep on doing it will come 🙂 Stay warm too….brghhh
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